Very well said... You're right that much of what I'm doing was initiated by her BD and initially I my focus was reconciliation, I can't deny that. However, I'm realigning my focus towards doing what I'm doing, I'm doing it for me. Read my last post for more information. As you said, doing it to appease a WAS towards reconciliation is a good way to be right back where you started; and there's a hundred reasons as to why.
I do give her a lot of space, even though we are living together. There's no guilt to be in the same room with me. Her home office is on the other side of the house from mine, so there's that natural boundary. When we are both done with work, she might come to the family room to watch TV where I'm at, or she might not. Generally if our S6 is home, not outside playing, she's in the room with us, but that's a different dynamic. However, the vibe, improved, and tension is low. There's laughs, and smiles etc. These are improvements, and small wins, like the DB/DR books mention.
She works 100% remote (even without C19Q) so she can go see her family in NC (6 hours away) and just work there. She has been doing this since we've been married, so it's not new. Doing this now is also a way for her to have space and have less stress. She and our S6 are there this week for example. After the BD at CT I initially felt that if she was going to feel that way, that I wanted my son with me all the time, and if she wanted to go to NC, I can watch him, or go with them. This was selfish as I felt that if we would be divorced soon I'd have joint custody and only half his time with me, so I wanted all of it while I could get it. While seemingly logical, it's not very impactful, and hurts (not helps) chances of reconciliation. Moreover it could be seen as clingy and beggy etc. while conversely, and to your point, her leaving and me being comfortable with it, and also comfortable not routinely calling and texting will have a beneficial impact; which is what I'm doing.
"I will not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. I will face my fear. I will let it pass over me. When the fear has gone, there shall be nothing. Only I will remain."
