MoGirl. Reading your words takes me back to the days I was really struggling. I don’t know if this will help you but I had a series of quotes that I kept in my phone and I would read them whenever I felt myself spinning with the dire predictions about being alone for the rest of my life. The thing is...those are just fears...our worst thoughts. They are not the reality.
One quote that helped in particular was this one... “He REPRESENTS stability, validation, and a resumption of your ability to have control over your future. That is really what you want. You want what he represents to you based on where you are right now. Step back and realize he is NOT those things.”
Another one I found really helpful... “It is truly a frightening thing to face, see, and embrace the unknown but you can do this. All it takes is opening your mind and heart to the vast, and endless possibilities of what you can become within yourself.”
And last but not least...something I wrote as a kind of instruction to myself...”If you are angry and feeling impulsive, breathe...write...scream...move. Just take a step back and think. Does this fit with my long term goals? Dignity and grace. Dignity and grace.”
Start a collection and read them often. It really does help. Imagine yourself whole and healed a year or two from now and then think about what you want to be able to look back and remember about your journey...because that’s what this is...a journey. I never wanted a divorce. I thought I had gotten it right and would be with my H until I died. Letting go of that idea was much, much harder than letting go of him...if that makes any sense.
Now that I have made it to the other side, I feel very blessed to have gone through what I did. I’ve done things I would haven’t done if I was still with him. Met new people. Made new friends. Strengthened existing friendships. Became closer with my kids and other family members. I have a better relationship with myself too. I know now that I am really strong and can get through anything. I like the person I have become and I am happy. You can get there too MoGirl. You just have to let go of the fear and the doubt and ultimately, you have to let go of your H. Maybe he will come back but you can’t focus on that or make that the goal. The focus needs to be on you. The goal needs to be to get you back. I know it’s hard but I promise you, it will be worth the effort. (((HUGS)))
