Weird Question

[DnJ]

Good Morning PLC

kml is spot on. The MLCer’s journey is about them, not you.

Tonight , while texting my therapist, I asked if she thought would divorce and she said it is pretty evident that is what he wants since he has “reminded” me fifteen months later that he still does not want to be married, yet divorce was only mentioned on Monday. Her telling me that it seems evident about what he wants was crushing. She even said he seems hellbent on blowing up his life before he sees what he has, and she wanted me to “move on” I understand in DB terms, to be drop the rope.

Yes, your H is h@llbent in blowing up his life. He is emotionally driven by unrealized past trauma(s) from when he was young; long before he met you. He doesn’t know or understand these trauma. He has buried them long ago, and denied them. Emotions buried will come back to haunt.

His emotions are cranked to 11. Basically everything he does is emotionally based. There is a profound sadness and depression within him, which he cannot explain, nor accept. So he lashes out. Projects upon you, his spouse, the closest person to him. Blames you.

He cannot blame himself. He is completely driven to this behaviour. He is in crisis; pushed over the edge. So you, and his life, must be the cause he will incorrectly concluded. When you are driven or allow your emotions to rule - irrational behaviours and decision will result. He will display confusion, poor judgement, bad behaviour, and will revert, time travel back to the emotional time of the trauma. He needs to emotionally grow from that hurt little boy.

Destruction seems like the only way out for him. He is desperate and desperate people do desperate things.

You cannot stop this runaway train - it is going to wreck. The choice you have is to remain and crash with it or wisely step aside and live your life.

H reminding you, 15 months later, that he wants a divorce, is not to be taken at face value. IMHO, your IC is misreading that one. A MLCer is a different type of irrational and crisis. Time looses meaning for them it seems. H’s reminder is actually a reminder for him, not you. Don’t believe anything they say, and only half of what they do.

H is driven by emotions. On Monday, H felt like divorce was the answer. The next day that could/would change. The next day it will change again. Probably changes far quicker than daily if you could see his mind.

He will bait you, try to goad you into doing or saying something. Anything he can use as justification to further his false narrative and blame of you. Don’t take the bait. Let him be.

Drop the rope and get a life. H is blaming you. Step back and let him be. In time, he hopefully will realize that “PLC hasn’t done anything to me for a while and yet I am still unhappy”. Then he might look inward. Until then, it’s all running behaviour; blame everything and everyone, and divert his attention elsewhere so he doesn’t peer inside himself. He is just not ready for that, yet.

Your IC’s urging you to “move on” comes from a caring position. “Move forward” better captures the path you wish to travel.

3 he will be happy and realize it WAS me that made him unhappy and it isnt MLC

Fear is irrational. It is hard to see the tangled feedback to our emotional responses.

Rationalizing uncouples your responses from the possible future event.

H is in MLC. His path is not about you.

H will never be happy until he quells the demons inside him.

I like seeing your list. I will speak more to it. For now, I need to get to work.

D