Uggh was going through some stuff and to put it away and came across a valentines card saying I was the best husband and she didn't know what love was until she met me and that she loves me more and more each day and would never stop loving me.
Why bother writing it if your according to her so unhappy. This is what makes me think that her meeting this OM is what's driving all of this rather than the crap she spouts out about how bad our marriage was.
In the depths of my W's unhappiness with the marriage, I would cards like this for VD, my birthday, etc. I chalked it up to her trying to improve things, to try to convince herself that she still felt this way, and to have an impact on me at the time. In my case, I had become a pretty miserable jerk, and I really think things like this was her way of trying to make me see that I had things to be thankful for."Maybe if I remind him how I feel, he will change."
And you may be right about OM. But I will say these things are a perfect storm usually. The WAS is unhappy, as is the LBS. Things in the relationship have deteriorated. A new person comes along, and shows interest. When they find out there is an opening (the WAS is unhappy) they swoop in with support, and with sharing their feelings for the WAS, etc. Without the one, the other wouldn't matter. It is a combination of factors.
The good news is that whether it was your W just wanting something new and putting herself out there, or OM driving it, or whatever it is, it doesn't change what you should be doing. You should still DB as well as you possible can.
And yes, the WAS will spout a lot of "reasons" that may or may not be based in fact. These "reasons" are justifications, whether true or made up, so they can relieve the guilt they are feeling because they know that it is wrong.
Originally Posted by WMWB
I suspect it was not long after (March) that this OM declared to her he had feelings for her (they had been texting as "friends" since Jan).
Why does this matter?
Originally Posted by WMWB
Man it all screws with your head this stuff.
Yes it does. Especially if the LBS sits and stews in their sitch instead of taking the focus off of their WAS, go out and GAL, work on themselves (180s), and detach. If the LBS struggles in any of those 3 then they will usually struggle with "this stuff" messing with their heads and keeping them stuck in place. The LBSs that we see struggle here the most are the ones that just sit and stew instead of picking themselves up by their bootstraps and moving forward.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
