I need to reread and understand. Tonight , while texting my therapist, I asked if she thought would divorce and she said it is pretty evident that is what he wants since he has “reminded” me fifteen months later that he still does not want to be married, yet divorce was only mentioned on Monday. Her telling me that it seems evident about what he wants was crushing. She even said he seems hellbent on blowing up his life before he sees what he has, and she wanted me to “move on” I understand in DB terms, to be drop the rope. She knows I am standing for the marriage and she does not want me to file or help him along the way out of the marriage, she wants me to help me. This gives me fear-I made a list and surprisingly this helped. Here are my fears off the top of my head:
1 We will divorce
2 he will remarry
3 he will be happy and realize it WAS me that made him unhappy and it isnt MLC
4 we will not grow old together
5 we will have to move
6 I will be alone and die alone because he left me
7 I will not have someone love me like a husband should
8 people will pity me
9 he will have a great time without me
10 I will never drop the rope
11 he will eventually lie more and not let me keep all he said I could
I have plenty of other fears, but I will say living in CA earthquakes have always been a large fear and last year I was alone for two big ones. I lived. Do they still frighten me? Yes, will I live, more than likely.
Dnj, you seem to have a lot of wisdom for this board, thank you for sharing it.
