My W said the same, something like "sure you believe in the importance of M now; where was that in the past?" I told her it was always there, but my understanding has grown more now. I knew M was important, but know it even more now. I knew it was important to God, but understand why even more now. Etc. Although God can look at the inside, people get an impression looking at the outside. Ditto changes - God works from the inside out (heart, mind, attitudes), and the fruit of that is not always immediately visible.
And what can you answer? If you say "yes my priorities where all over the place, I know I hurt you but I always loved you", then you already "killed the M" as W told me. If you say "That is not true, I might have failed but my M was always there and I held onto my vows", then you are an insensitive animal who cannot understand how you failed and hurt her.
The topic is just a massive dynamite bomb that can only explode in your hands, shame I did not listen to Sandi and I had to live through the explosion. How can you be a committed partner when the other is halfway out the door? does that make you unreasonable? Can one shelter a M and family through this? When I joined the forum I was convinced it was possible. Not that I have done a good job DBing (I am getting there), but I am not sure one person can change any dynamics when the other person has dressed you up in black and made you the worst enemy. Let's release the pressure, focus on ourselves and hope for the best.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me 29 W:29 M: 5yrs T:10yrs S:6 yrs S:1 yr BD: "I want a D" 08/09/19 Sep: 10/27/19
