I have read with interest about the thoughts on the man/woman we married is still in there and the love for him/her is well sheltered. I think this same thought has hurt me a lot in the sense of creating false expectations and the way I have approached my WAW. It seems to be an honorable feeling but yet it contradicts the lessons Sandi has tried to push in my head that she is a different person and my past W is "dead". what are your thoughts on this?
Hi Pack, thanks for dropping by my thread. I thought it’d be best to respond to you here. I think for someone like you who is having a hard time with detaching, to view your past W as “dead” is necessary for you to accept that she currently is not the girl you married. That’s why everyone recommended NC to you, because the more you interact with her, the more you try to pick up clues on whether the old her is still there....and usually you would end up hurting because you then realize she is not who she used to be. I have love for my old H. I do not love the man he is now. At the same time I am also still trying to wrap my head around our history together and figure out if I really saw him for who he was. I think the important thing is that you can love someone, but you need to love yourself first. You can still have love for your wife, but you should not allow someone to treat yourself poorly out of love. For me that love is a distant memory, I’d like to keep it for now to help me proceed with kindness. But I will not that be a hindrance for me to move forward with my life.
