You are always so clear-headed, wooba! This makes so much sense:
Originally Posted by wooba
The hardest part has been to come to terms with the fact that the current H is a different person. I know in this forum we talk about hope and expectations often and how those two affect us LBSes. I'm not shutting that door on hope. The old him is in there somewhere I'm sure. My love for him is still in me also, somewhere. Our history and feelings for each other cannot be erased that easily.
It feels to me like you are writing from a place of calm and distance, as in the ability to look objectively at your situation. Do you think it helps that you have had physical distance from your H? This has also been the hardest part for me. I feel like I have shut my own door, but if I were feeling more objective I think I would say the same thing—that my love for him is probably also still in me, somewhere, that the old him is still in there somewhere. My H was just very convincing that old H is gone, old H was a lie. But, I ask myself now from a distance, if my own feelings are mutable, why take what he says as objective fact rather than emotionally-driven, well, spewing?
I totally get why you’re not in a hurry to return to the states with COVID so out of control. I absolutely believe you will be both kind and compassionate and firm in your boundaries as you move forward. I will check in here often to remind myself what that looks like.
