Editing last post to say, I think I was wrong to say H hasn't seen me as anything but his narrative for the past year. I think there have been moments when he saw me, and that's what kept me thinking I could open up H and find the old H to talk to, if only briefly, if only I could find the right combination. I was wrong--he's gone until/if H chooses to rebuild himself, and anyway, those moments, as you say, bttrfly, don't change the outcome. Only H could change that, not me.
And I wanted to share that I came across the UC San Diego Center for Mindfulness website today, and they have some free live mindfulness and compassion sessions via Zoom this week--I did one tonight on finding a place of peace and stillness. They also have many recorded resources that look great.
