So what can you do? First, figure out how to be okay not being in a relationship. If you do that, you don't need the relationship, you're there because you want to be. Secondly, figure out how to "bring it" and be a partner only a fool would leave. If you do that, and you know you're bringing it, then if they leave you it is their loss and you know that, and don't have any regrets.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Am I "okay" not being in relationship? Sure. Being single is better than being in an unhappy relationship that isn't working, every time. I get to do what I want, eat what I want, go where I want, and focus on my needs.
With that said - and this is probably exacerbated by the virus - it's also very lonely for me right now. I'm not seeing my friends as much nor am I going to the office, so my levels of just general human interaction are way off. I'm also generally someone who enjoys the pure companionship and partnership of a relationship quite a bit, so not having someone to share a common life with has been a tough adjustment. But I absolutely agree that now isn't the time for me to go jumping into something else. This is the time for me to keep working on myself and doubling down on the great progress I've made.
There's a weird irony to this, which is that the S has forced me to really confront and work on my issues (NGS, etc.), but I'll never get a chance to apply those to the M that was damaged by those issues. That's a tough one to get over for me, because I really do believe that I'm a different person and that things that were working would still work and the things that weren't, I now have answers for. It doesn't help that she lives five minutes away, and there's a chance I run into her every single time I step outside.
Anyway, in tactical news, my lawyer advised me to file for divorce in order to stop the accrual of shared assets (ie: the continuing growth of my new company), but only serve her papers if that's what I truly want. I have 120 days to do so. To say that I'm ambivalent is an understatement. I don't believe in ultimatums, but that feels what it's coming down to - either she works on this, or we D.
