I do understand the still hurting, trust me. I'm still hurt and angry. It's the nature of things like this. But it's a process. I'll be hurt and angry much longer than he'll be tentative about our relationship and me. I've been on the other side of this. I know how it works for him and me. I just don't want to waste my time being scared or dwelling in my pain. And I don't want to waste his not working toward forgiveness and making him sit in my pain with me. We both deserve to start putting this in our rear view instead of letting it hang like and albatross.
I think what May was saying was true. Some LBS need the walls and the space to get to the other side. Some don't.
But to your point ovr, I'd agree holding back like that doesn't make much sense once you've made it this far. I'm a strong believer in the fact that we were both suffering just handling things in very different ways. I think if you can make it to this point keeping yourself bound in a fortress of detachment and unavailability is only going to hurt you in the long run. Constant self assessment even if it's comparing how you treat the dog to your spouse, which made me giggle, is really important here. We all slip up. Whether is be reverting to old behaviors, or keeping up those walls, or giving too much paying attention to yourself is really important in this time.
