AND---- I"m being really screwed because the FASFA is based off my and H's info and he is out of the picture with a legal S... now they are trying to state my FASFA is inaccurate and frankly there is NOTHING I can do about it as cut offs for FAFSA were based on 2018 tax returns and closed last Fall.
Well you're not really getting screwed, if it's based on 2018 returns and your returns were higher then because you were still together then it is what it is, right? That's not because anyone is trying to screw you over or take advantage of you.
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SOOOOO - I just want to scream at my H!!!!! I'm doing this all alone. I don't have your support... you don't have my back... you walked out on this kid you helped raise for 10yr and you lie lie lie lie lie...
A lot of people do go through this "anger" phase, it's part of grief recovery. Personally I never did, my XW treated me poorly at times but I feel like I was pretty good about stepping outside of my own pain and such and could understand and sympathize with her position. She wanted out of the M, and she wasn't sure why. I was a good H but not perfect, there were things I could and should have done to make the M better and make her feel more loved. But I didn't, and it was too late to start. So she wanted out even though it was a very painful thing for her to go through. And I had to respect that, because I loved her and cared about her and even though it wasn't what I wanted, it was what she needed. The financial damage was substantial for both of us. That wasn't her fault, it's just a byproduct of divorce. Had I known we would get divorced some day, I would of course have planned better and not left myself exposed to the losses I incurred. But I didn't, I just assumed we would stay married. And so my lack of planning for that is my fault, not hers.
You have admitted numerous times that you were a terrible wife. You've beat yourself up a lot for it. So if you want to blame someone for your lesser financial situation, and the lack of support for you and your S, well at the end of the day that's really all on you, isn't it. I'm not saying your H is without blame, just that he didn't leave you because he wanted to hurt you or sabotage you, he just felt like he was at the end of his rope and didn't have another choice. You've got to respect that and let him go and quit finding reasons to be emotionally charged about it.
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How is it that I love such a loser????
I think you're obsessed with him, which is distinctly different than love. And this will pass. But you've got to let go first. You're giving him 95% of your energy. You've got to get that down to 5% (or less). When you get there, you will still love him, but you won't be obsessed with staying married to him. You will be OK with him having his own life, even if that's with someone else.
