The other thing that I, at least, see protecting you is your refusal to do this again. No third chances. Be steady with that (and communicate it to him) so that you both know what you're risking by giving up.
I think I need to be more clear about this. We don't talk much about this stuff, and I've said I can't do this again. I just can't. But I don't know that I was clear that there will be no 3rd, 4th or 5th chances. This is a one time deal. I think you're right. I need to lay out explicitly that this is it. The only chance.
Originally Posted by may22
Are you taking a break from thinking about what more traditional steps you want to take-- or you want him to figure out how to take-- in the future, whether it be reading books or MC or Retrouvaille or whatever?
I'm just giving this reconciliation part some time of it's own. I still want to have the big talks. I still need some kind of commitment to work on our MR. But so far if I leave him to his own devices he tends to come to things on his own, not necessarily in the time frame I would've liked but he gets there. So my hope is if I just enjoy this time (living in the moment which I'm terrible at) and leave things alone (and not try to control the trajectory or time line) maybe he'll start some of these big talks and we can get to a mutual agreement about what piecing is going to be for us. If not then I'll have to reassess and maybe for the first time in a long time simply tell him what I want and need and try to do so in the way that sounds more like an ask and less like a command so we don't have to circle back around to wayfarer the controlling b**ch.
I really appreciate the spot were in right now. I missed this. Not just during this mess, but a lot of the sweetness and kindness we have right now was missing before the affair, and if I want to be really honest it was on both sides. My birthday is Friday and we're taking the girls to the middle of no where to do some hiking, swimming, and other away from the city things. I think I'm going to take a step away from here for a little while starting on that trip.
