No changes on WAW - Pack_19 Part II

[Pack_19]

You like getting kicked in the balls don't you Pack?

Apparently I do, to levels I could never imagine. Can I attach value to the fact that W said we are now separated but that does not mean this has to end like this? I am a sad plan B person?

My guess is that is because you continue to apply pressure with relationship talks.

No I genuinely mean it. I read other threads where spouses are talking about going for a trip, some still live together even after the S. The other day it was the first time I heard W say I am not 100% to blame, not sure if it means some internal changes are beginning, I dont want to get any hopes high. I have cut talks, as I said LH, I want to row against the current position my mind has been stuck on.

Pack no one goes into a marriage wanting a D. So your thought process is that since she's miserable then she mind as well be miserable with you?????

No way! I genuinely want her to be happy. I just see so many things we have done wrong and she always says for her ideal happiness is a loving family. We have been parents above all, the intimacy or sex were never a priority, I think for her as well. We had stress and a very hard social life in Germany. I genuinely think there were many problems, hence there is plenty of room for improvement. I know I cannot make her see this, just my personal view on our M. It makes me sad I could "cause" this mess and I cannot undo a bit of it.

Mindreading. Complete waste of time.

Thanks a lot! I know it is!

If you are being fair with the support then no. If you are not then yes. Is she having an affair?

I thought it was fair and I asked my L for it. The thing is that she has moved to the best neighborhood in the city and she would be forced to move. Guess what, we were arguing about this and she cried telling me my L is a b@tch who has no idea what her expenses are. I am quite sure she is not having a A, I have not snooped, it does no good to me and I have always thought if she was to put an end to our M in such a disrespectful way, it would be the best trigger for me to move on.

This is exactly what you want Pack. You have a hard time understanding that she doesn't want to be with you right now and probably won't for a very long time. If you don't tighten up your game this may end up being a permanent thing for you.

It is devastating to know the person who promised to always support and be with you thinks this way. She must have felt the same when I was in my darkest time at home and I could not see what matters in life. I feel like I touched bottom as a man, I need to improve on so many areas.

I got a letter today about the next payment for the mortgage and the bank has requested an assessment of our current financial situation. I have emailed my advisor in Germany to see how I can handle this. Once the purchase I was most proud of in my life and it tastes disgusting right now, as if it was a mistake and I got my feet in too much financial problem for my age. The home I wanted to settle in with my family for the next 5-8 years is now a nightmare I want to run away from. WTF am I doing living in Spain and buying a fancy home in Germany?

These things just ruin my day, I got like 3 letters about our bank, home, the mortgage and the payments we need to make. I am having a big pity party, not good not at all.

I dont want to have more talks with W. They are useless and make me feel like I have so many problems she is justified in leaving. Will there ever be a time when it is appropiate to test the waters and ask her out? should I better give up on that idea?

I have determined that I will post more often here. I am not detached and I need to write more here and never ever again to W. Thank you all for your comments and help!

Pack