may - that's something I'm always trying to keep in mind....I want to be kind and compassionate but operate it within my boundaries. I think that's when some residual anger can be good, which then can be used to propel myself into making the tough but right choices.
Originally Posted by Sage4
How does H make you feel? Are you your best self around him? Do his actions affect your ability to be the best parent you can be right now? Does your interactions with him serve you or the kids? Is there enough 'pasta' in the world right now to fix the current state of affairs?
lol! I love how the pasta keeps getting mentioned. I know, it really threw me off. Since we don't see each other much at all right now, when we do see each other my goal is to keep it civil and friendly for the sake of children.
Originally Posted by Sage4
When we are vulnerable, we tend to find meaning in those minuscule interactions that contribute to our 'my side bias' and/or hope. What will it take for you to lose all hope and move on in the direction of your mighty life ahead?..... Do you want to move back to the US so you can file for D and get the financial security you deserve? Or are you willing to settle for a less certain financial future for the sake of continuity for the children?
The hardest part has been to come to terms with the fact that the current H is a different person. I know in this forum we talk about hope and expectations often and how those two affect us LBSes. I'm not shutting that door on hope. The old him is in there somewhere I'm sure. My love for him is still in me also, somewhere. Our history and feelings for each other cannot be erased that easily. However, I have to be aware to not let the little gestures cripple me. Because it's the big ones that count. The actions and behaviors that clearly communicate to me that he is here, he is invested. Not "I made you your favorite pasta" or "I bought you some chocolates". You are right, those interactions are minuscule. They are nice, but I am worth a lot more than the little gestures. So my weakness lies in that I am forgiving by nature, so those little things do touch me. Not that I would mistaken those as signs of his return.
With the finances - honestly with the whole covid thing, I would not want to move back to the US right now. So I'm trying to see what my options are for staying put. Few days ago H actually transferred the funds I requested of him for this month.
