I am so sorry that your H continues to be a disappointment, but good for you for getting off the rollercoaster. I know how easy it is to be tempted/cajoled into jumping back on that ride, so I have some questions for you. Whether or not you choose to reply and write out the answers here is completely up to you, but these are the things I am asking myself in a similar situation with my H:
How does H make you feel? Are you your best self around him? Do his actions affect your ability to be the best parent you can be right now? Does your interactions with him serve you or the kids? Is there enough 'pasta' in the world right now to fix the current state of affairs?
I read somewhere on this forum about someone who kept a log (maybe it was Scout) of all the positive and negative interactions/feelings she had with her H and when the list got so out of balance, she was able to use it to thrust herself into a different way of looking and feeling towards her H.
When we are vulnerable, we tend to find meaning in those minuscule interactions that contribute to our 'my side bias' and/or hope. What will it take for you to lose all hope and move on in the direction of your mighty life ahead? I get the sense (takes one to see one) that your H feels justified in his actions towards you because he thinks he has you exactly where he wants you. What can you do to shift that paradigm? You have taken some great leaps (starting your own business!!). What else will serve you in this process? Do you want to move back to the US so you can file for D and get the financial security you deserve? Or are you willing to settle for a less certain financial future for the sake of continuity for the children?
I think you are doing great, BTW. I couldn't write the statement you did about being above it all and not stooping to H's level. I am not there yet, but love to witness someone else ahead of me.
