No matter what, in this space we're in we both risk heartbreak here. Either one of us could pull the plug and decide this isn't worth the work we'll need for piecing. And I'm more than willing to risk the heartache of vulnerability and hope instead of wasting more time parsing my self out to him in tiny doses so I can't get hurt. I've been doing that for 7 months. And I'm going to hurt no matter what. Digging deep and working on our marriage or giving up and not going forward isn't going to be comfortable. But as I see it, a path forward, whatever that may be, is worth the risk, the discomfort, the work.
THIS. I think you're so right on, here. If you can do this... you go for it. I think not everyone can. I think for a lot of people the need to have the walls and nurture them and protect yourself from future hurt is a critical one, and something that I completely honor and respect. But I also think if you have the ability to risk it all again, put yourself out there, love and be loved and take the attendant risks that go alongside... that is beautiful and honorable and I think it is important to also have that model out there for some of us LBSs who are OK taking that path.
The other thing that I, at least, see protecting you is your refusal to do this again. No third chances. Be steady with that (and communicate it to him) so that you both know what you're risking by giving up.
Are you taking a break from thinking about what more traditional steps you want to take-- or you want him to figure out how to take-- in the future, whether it be reading books or MC or Retrouvaille or whatever?
xoxo M
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
