Your h knows exactly what he is doing. He knows that you love and are always interested in hearing about the puppy. He making sure that you are right where he left you. I would go on about my business and the text doesn't require a response at this time, if ever.
Continue the NC. It will drive him nuts and you will see that he will try various tactics to get you to respond. Eventually, he will get the message and leave you alone. You can't heal if you are in contact w/him or he continues to contact you. The clear message w/NC is that he will eventually come to understand that you aren't going to jump at his communications.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
What a load of s***. Do you even hear yourself? You are going so far as to formulate excuses for a spouse who is treating you like dirt.
Have you ever seen someone walk into the supermarket and with their hand tap their back jeans pocket on the outside to make sure their wallet is there? Or someone to feel their pant’s pocket just to confirm the house and car keys are still there where they left them?
THAT’S WHAT HE IS DOING WITH THESE TEXTS. He’s just making sure he’s got you all wrapped up safe in his back pocket.
That's a great analogy!
I'm sure there is ultimate truth in that.
I was just questioning is there some sort of involuntary reflex occurring? Example - I spoke with puppy's breeder yesterday and some fun info on littermates and my first reaction was "I'd love to talk about this with H"... Of course, I didn't but for a moment it was something I really wanted to share with him. So I can totally see that the puppy does something really frustrating --- that I of course will understand so he texts me. But, then that's it.... its like he remembers that he decided he didn't want me for his W and goes back to nothingness.
Either way I'm putting too much energy into it. Wiping it out of my mind.
Your h knows exactly what he is doing. He knows that you love and are always interested in hearing about the puppy. He making sure that you are right where he left you. I would go on about my business and the text doesn't require a response at this time, if ever.
Continue the NC. It will drive him nuts and you will see that he will try various tactics to get you to respond. Eventually, he will get the message and leave you alone. You can't heal if you are in contact w/him or he continues to contact you. The clear message w/NC is that he will eventually come to understand that you aren't going to jump at his communications.
Yes, I recognize I cannot heal if he keeps contacting AND I cannot make sense of anything he does AND I should stop spending time trying too.
Mentioned to him a few weeks ago that he needed to put a forwarding address with USPS and he can do it online. He agreed that he could do that.... yet still has not done it. I'm done being a nag. I will not repeatedly ask for anything anymore.
Mentioned to him a few weeks ago that he needed to put a forwarding address with USPS and he can do it online. He agreed that he could do that.... yet still has not done it. I'm done being a nag. I will not repeatedly ask for anything anymore.
That’s great you stopped worrying about it! Life is easier when you focus more on what you control. Up to him whether to forward that mail now, in 6 months, or never. You choose whether you continue to collect and provide it to him, trash it, or mark it RETURN TO SENDER. re: The settlement, if that’s firmly in your best interest, occasional non-nagging reminders are okay.
Spent this hot day continuing to deep clean the attic!!!
Took breaks from that to work on cleaning S19's room and starting to get stuff ready to take to college.
Lots of bags to Good Will.
Still have a lot of to do but making such great progress. I envision this taking about another 2 months as I'm not in any hurry but it feels good getting things organized and letting go of stuff that hasn't been touched in decades.
I also took advantage that S19 is still at home and sent him out to pick up take out!!!
Nothing is more rewarding than good, hard work and seeing what you've accomplished. I'm sure that you have plenty of bags for Good Will and they will appreciate the donations. I'm proud of you in starting this project. Do take plenty of breaks and drink plenty of water if you are up in a hot attic for any length of time.
You are starting to move forward and it won't be long before you have much more room to store things when you need to.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So, lately GAL has involved light use of recreational drug.
Interesting side effect...... I tend to think and talk about H a lot when doing this activity.... but I'm 100% not interested in texting or calling. It's really odd... like it's a guarentee that I wont make any excuse to justify a text... but he is totally on my mind.
Side note I just opened the docs my atty.wants me and H to fill out... holy moly this is freaking nightmare.
I want to call him up and scream at him it would literally be easier to stay married than deal with this crap He needs to get his head out of his arse and get a grip on adulting and doing the right thing.
^^^^^^ Yea, that's stupid. I get that but I'm 100%convinced atty sent me the pain in the a** paperwork for H just to throw his hands in the air and say F it... this is too hard.
If the "recreational drug" is causing you to obsess (and yes, thinking about him a lot is obsessing" then I would recommend finding another GAL activity. I tell LBSs that drink all the time, do not drink during your sitch. (I am staunchly anti-alcohol and anti-drug for full disclosure) because you need to be clear-thinking and sober-minded in order to DB well. Think of all the late-night drunken voice messages left for exs through the decades since answering machines (now voicemail) were popular. Many a jilted lover has regretted phone calls and leaving messages for their ex the next morning. (I may or may not be speaking from experience here.....-whistle whistle whistle-).
Plus there is a tendency to "mask" your pain through drugs and alcohol. The problem with that is the next day you wake up, feel like crap physically, and the pain was still there waiting for you when you came out of the high.
Again, none of us ever claimed that D was easy. That is why this forum exists. But it is all part of the process. Just get through your portion and have the L send it to H. REMEMBER: IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO GET YOUR H TO FILL OUT HIS PORTION!!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Everytime YOU had a problem with your kids I was there to pick up the pieces... EVERYTIME...
I'm dealing with a heck of a lot on my plate right now as i struggle to get S19 to college. Court hearing delayed... otherside demanding information from me which should have no bearing on the case as its money I put back for S19 college... and his father had nothing to do with that.
AND---- I"m being really screwed because the FASFA is based off my and H's info and he is out of the picture with a legal S... now they are trying to state my FASFA is inaccurate and frankly there is NOTHING I can do about it as cut offs for FAFSA were based on 2018 tax returns and closed last Fall.
SOOOOO - I just want to scream at my H!!!!! I'm doing this all alone. I don't have your support... you don't have my back... you walked out on this kid you helped raise for 10yr and you lie lie lie lie lie... You've told me and I suppose you have convinced yourself that you are taking this kid out to dinner for graduation since you bailed on his party.... BUT ALL LIES... you've never contacted this kid.
If the "recreational drug" is causing you to obsess (and yes, thinking about him a lot is obsessing" then I would recommend finding another GAL activity. I tell LBSs that drink all the time, do not drink during your sitch. (I am staunchly anti-alcohol and anti-drug for full disclosure) because you need to be clear-thinking and sober-minded in order to DB well. Think of all the late-night drunken voice messages left for exs through the decades since answering machines (now voicemail) were popular. Many a jilted lover has regretted phone calls and leaving messages for their ex the next morning. (I may or may not be speaking from experience here.....-whistle whistle whistle-).
Plus there is a tendency to "mask" your pain through drugs and alcohol. The problem with that is the next day you wake up, feel like crap physically, and the pain was still there waiting for you when you came out of the high.
Again, none of us ever claimed that D was easy. That is why this forum exists. But it is all part of the process. Just get through your portion and have the L send it to H. REMEMBER: IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO GET YOUR H TO FILL OUT HIS PORTION!!
Haha... yes... my entire life - just say NO to drugs... LOL! That was me. I just found it interesting that I nearly rationalize and have previously why I need to send this or that or contact my H... but when on recreational buzz I am very strong and say "not today.... not falling for it today... he doesn't deserve to hear from you"... It was just a weird irony???
I have to say I'm much more likely to NOT text/call under those circumstances.
Either way GAL is difficult in the time of COVID so one must get creative.
I'm hanging in there. Today is going to be very rough... I've got to figure out how I'm going to get my kid to school all on my own - no H and no S19 father at this point. And, it burns me because this kid has been working hard since the 3rd grade - he is an A student, Eagle Scout... and his two major male role models are being the biggest pricks right now.
