H sent me another email regarding finances, similar to the one he wrote me few weeks ago when he decided to cut off the funds.
I was shaking my head while reading it. At some parts I even wanted to laugh.
One example was that he had to make a note of him taking the kids to the mall to buy some gear (the first time in this whole year)....”I note that I took the boys out last weekend to buy shoes and backpacks and it costed me over $200 dollars..” seriously? We’re going there? Wtf is this pettiness??
There’s no point to reason with someone like this. Again, you can’t make someone see if they’re choosing to be blind.
I know H has always enjoyed being in control. I could sense he’s desperately trying to hang on to whatever he could use to feel like he could control me. I had a flashback today to one time few years ago when we had a big fight. D was mentioned by him, and at the time I was so distraught I wanted to tell my parents about it. H then warned me if I tell others about our private R problems, there would be no turning back (threatening with D). Now I’m seeing that point in life as totally f’ed up. H used my fear to keep me in check. Another time he told me that if we separate, he would no longer care about the children, because his love for the children rested on his love for me. How messed up is that?? I remember hearing that and feeling afraid for my children. He knew. He knew he could get to me more effectively through the kids.
It’s weird looking back and seeing all these huge red flags, yet at the time when it happened I had no clue. It’s also conflicting to know that I did have some good times with this man who loved me deeply, yet it’s the kind of love with a sick twist. It’s almost like Jekyll and Hyde. One side of him seemed completely selfless, and the other side is utterly selfish.
Well, enough about him. I still plan to respond with compassion and kindness in mind. Just because he is acting like an a$$ does not mean I need to stoop to his level. I need to elevate myself.....rise above this...because I can.
