May/Alison - thank you. I don't think it will help to speak to him first. It's not malice - it just serves no purpose. He will get would up and start attacking. Defending myself or keeping my emotions in check takes up too much of my energy, and right now, I need to reserve as much of it as I can for myself and the girls.
He is very reactionary and when he is like that he is irrational (yes, ego driven). The best thing is to give him time to process without my being present. That doesn't mean he will be any more rational, he will just more likely keep the attacks to himself.
PS - I wrote a long and detailed response on your thread the other day, then had to quickly shut down as was asked to share my screen. The perils of video conferencing
Yail - I have rehearsed my words. They are few. The more I use the more irrational he becomes. So, my words will be limited to "I understand" and "I don't think this is appropriate to discuss".
I am so thankful for this community. I know I don't post on other people's threads as much as I use to. I hope that when I am through this period that I can help others as others have helped me. Yail, May, Alison, DV, Dilly and all the others who held my (virtual) hand when he was most awful, or even when he was being ok and the sadness still feel, thank you.
Your words have been something to hold on to in the storm.
