No changes on WAW - Pack_19 Part II

[LH19]

It has been the first weekend of rowing against my instincts to show love and change to W. In terms of GAL, great fun at the beach with the kids. I got S6 to ride waves on a body board, was swimming with him, we saw a couple of small fish banks... [/quote]
That sounds awesome!

Saturday I smashed my 5Km and 1 mile personal records and I would have done the same with the 10km but I run out of town by 9.5 km and I was a bit lazy to go the extra half km hahaha. I was out having fun Saturday after Iput the kids to sleep and left them with my parents and I made some progress with the project I have coming up in August.

Great stuff! Keep it up.

I am very tired of reading books about relationships, differences between men and women, habits and traits of healthy and lasting Ms and improved sexual practices to think about applying it with W and then crashing against the reality I live every day.

Those books should be for your next relationship whether it's with your W or someone else.

I am going to my first IC session today. It will only be to meet the people there and understand how it would work. I plan to cover there my problems and also why I cannot let go of my M and W and hopefully get help to detach and think about current R with W in a healthier way.

I think this is a great idea for you!

As you know, after we signed the agreement and I went to her place to talk things through a couple of times the only things she has told me are that she "will not be with me right now" and that she has already said all she had to.

You like getting kicked in the balls don't you Pack?

I am sorry for bringing her up again but I am so frustrated with how closed she still is.

ahhhhh those expectations. She says X and I fix X then she will X. It NEVER works that way.

It has been a year and it feels like the first day when she left, blamed me for everything and said she was done and had fought enough for us so she moved on to make a new live where I was not allowed to be in at all.

Of course your the blame for everything.

I read other threads in the board and some people are talking to WAS way earlier than this, even if it is to politely ask if there are plans to take a summer trip with the kids.

My guess is that is because you continue to apply pressure with relationship talks.

I cannot understand when W says she is having an awful time, she cannot sleep well and she never wanted this but I pushed her to it but then when the opportunity arises to do something to have fun and move on from the S and the mistakes we both have made her answer is simply "I dont want to be with you, I am not happy, but neither was with you".

Pack no one goes into a marriage wanting a D. So your thought process is that since she's miserable then she mind as well be miserable with you?????

I guess I am hurting more than a sensible person would because as stuck as I was in the mindset to win her back I always thought by summer this year we would have at least had a conversation about how we can move on pass the S. I need to work on my expectations, I need to kill them basically.

You should have zero expectations about anything from her.

I have the feeling W is sheltered in her family at the moment.

Mindreading. Complete waste of time.

Yesterday when she called S6 she was with her brother and SIL at home and I bet she has no time to think about our family or myself, too bad, I am ready to give her a new R in both emotional and physical sense.

Mindreading. Complete waste of time.

There is something I wanted to ask here. As you know W told me I was to blame that we have not had a chance to talk by now because I went behind her back finding a second L and I was unfair financially. She said for her my value as a man was also shown via the conditions I wanted to reflect on our S agreement. My L agreed with W in the sense that withdrawing as much financial support as possible also shows what kind of person I am and my values. Are they right?

If you are being fair with the support then no. If you are not then yes. Is she having an affair?

I know I cannot nice my way back to M but this is so wicked. When I was nice and tried to show love and distance, I had been a monster, destroyed my M for 5 years and never cared about my vows. When I tried to be strong and enforce boundaries I was a monster for trying to remove financial support and hiring a L behind her. I feel like screaming at my pillow.

There is nothing you can do right now to get her back. NOTHING!

It does feel really bad to go against my poor instincts, I feel the distance between us is growing and eventually with time I will forget about our life together or at least I will not miss it as I do now, but I am a person of value and I deserve healthy relationships in my life.

This is exactly what you want Pack. You have a hard time understanding that she doesn't want to be with you right now and probably won't for a very long time. If you don't tighten up your game this may end up being a permanent thing for you.