Yes the conversation was indeed too long, I got my high for 40 minutes and now feel like crap. Not saying back to square one or anything but at least we don't have anything else to have to chat about now for a good while so I can start to detach again.
Also agree about asking the personal questions should have left it alone, I guess as her husband I have been so used to taking care of her that it was a natural question to make sure she was going to be alright. However if she said she didn't know I would have said well you need to think about that now (I wouldn't have offered help). Its up to her to look after herself now and she has the OM so if she needs something she can ask him.
I do believe she is in a fantasy right as in real life has not touched this new relationship with the OM yet it all so new and each is showing each others good sides. So we shall see what happens with that. She's thinking ahead however with the new flat rental and all.
When she shifted blame I just acknowledged what she said and moved on. To be quite honest it seems like she think shes done nothing wrong at all about how she's handled things. Doesn't see the texting the OM "as friends" although she kept it a secret which of course lead to the EA and because the PA only happened after we where separated the first time and the fact she told me about it she seems to think that everything she has done has been honest and she has packaged it all up as marriage was bad he did this and that and I did everything honestly, shes working straight out the cheaters handbook. She will quickly gloss over her faults by saying "I should have said I was unhappy" or "I should have been more forceful when you where buying something and I didn't agree". All well and good saying that now when you've moved on an have no interest in reconciliation.
What annoys me the most is I have made made so many changes and done so much work that she recognises and now she is vocalising at least some of her faults (expect the one where she let the OM in) and YET because she is now so deep in the fog and fantasy nothing can be done with any of it. Such powerful knowledge to be able to move forward to have made our marriage stronger (if the A didn't happen OR at least she recognised and was really remorseful for that as well)
I had some really great gadgets I sold to pay off our credit cards so I guess I will perhaps buy some of those back (as I am a tech/gadgets guy) but this time I will do it differently and buy these will cleared funds (no more debts for me) and will buy those back over time. I was an impulse buyer and I recognise that now so won't be going back to that again. Time to save for the future whatever that may hold.
Yes I am certainly in somewhat of a unique position as my children are adults and I am still quite young. So I am looking at it I did my life a little backwards, had the kids and settled down young so now I can live a little although I am not all of a sudden going to be come a party animal lol.
