Caught in limbo

[MrBrside]

Hi WMWB,

Ive not commented on your post before as i've been on holiday - fortunetly i got back onto the coutry 8 hours prior to them enforcing quarantine from Spain.

Re your sitch.. As others have said, you seem to be handling this well.

I don't know it was a very strange calm talk as if we had both resigned ourselves to the fact that marriage was over. Which of course it is because shes said it is and is moving on with the OM.

Leave her to her new fantasy. Statistically, this will end in a car crash. You just don't want to be anywhere near it.

We chatted about the future and she said she was going to look at some private rentals near her workplace, I asked her if she was going to live alone or if the OM was moving with her. I suspect that the OM is going with her but she said she hadn't thought that far ahead yes but as far as I know they are full steam ahead but of course I have no idea (not that it matters).

These questions are none of your business.. The conversation went on for way too long and shows WW you are attached.

I told her I was ready to work on our marriage but of course would not do that with the OM on the scene, I said to her at this stage I have some hope but I will not put my life on hold and I need to move forward for me and work on myself.

Too much information and stinks of persuit. Avoid these conversations.

I told her that I really hope she has thought this through and that she wasn't making decisions based on her feelings right now for the OM

Why ? You have read numerious posts over the past weeks. You know WW act on emotion. You are trying to apply logic with them statements. Logic and emotion are like petrol and water.. You don't mix them and its stupid to try..
You will not get through to her, so you just waisted 40 minutes of your life where you could have done something productive - a workout, a run, cut the lawn etc

but she of course started the blame shifting (albeit not as forcefully) saying it wasn't but that it was due to our finances and the fact I didn't spend much time with her

classic WW BS - never their fault and you caused this - standard operation WW procedure.. Don't get drawn in.

she said she had been unhappy for a couple of years and she knows she should have spoken up about it but then she just clicked with the OM (puke). I told her I want her to be happy and if that means its without me then that's her decision and so we should move forward with our separate lives.

Just a couple of years ? - you must have been doing something right then.. I had 6 months, then 12 months, then unhappy since our first child was born ( 8 years ) - WW don't know what they are saying and will change anything and everything when it suits.. She dropped her boundaries, but refuses to take any responsibily - Common.

its still there but it feels like more of a distant hope that if things are going to change its not going to be for sometime (perhaps if the relationship with the OM fails).

You are still young ! - and your children are adults. You have the world at your feet - like literally ! - You have no concerns over custody battles etc - you are in a great position, so make the most of it.

I remained calm and tried to show no emotion and tried to be a lighthouse should she be able to find her way back.

You are still very much in the LBS fog.. in the next few months, the rose tinted classes may drop and you may see that your WW wasnt / isnt all that - and you move on anyway - I think it was Steve who researched this and found that at some point 92% of WW try to wriggle back... ( although it may take years ) - by then, the LBS has moved on anyway. You are young, so focus on you.. Enjoy life. I am a couple of years older, but was where you are now in Jan 2019.. Now i wouldnt change anything - My WW going WW was the best thing to happen to me..