Yes, foxpop, I'm pretty sure he would have had to get an annulment within a certain time frame. I have kept written notes on all of our conversations for the past year. My friends and family know what is going on and how he has blown up at me. I will ask a lawyer about recording things.
Right now I'm feeling disappointed that I let myself be drawn into this long conversation. I was so good about this for a whole year. I didn't follow Gerda's advice today. I don't know what to say, but it felt like I was in a fog the whole time. I couldn't get out of the hole I was digging. I know it just fueled his anger. No matter what, he always came back to blaming me 100%. At certain points I said, I don't think this is helpful for me to sit here and be attacked, but I got drawn in again somehow. I guess this was me trying to see if we could discuss an agreement, and it was a resounding no.
I even said when he kept insisting on no mediation: What worries me about trying to negotiate with you is that you are now just saying what you think I deserve and listing off everything I do not. He definitely baited me, and I took it, and what followed provided him just more confirmation of his justifications.
He must know there's no way the law would say it is acceptable for him to withdraw so much money from our account, even if my name was not on it, when it is clearly community property. He even admitted he knew it was bad before he started trying to justify it again.
I am worried about how much it's going to cost to look into that and determine what of the money he withdrew was for joint expenses and what was for his own purchases. I know it's a red flag, but in our M he never told me how much debt he had on his credit card. I hope this will some how work in my favor--that he said he was paying joint expenses, but never made me aware of the extent of these expenses.
He is going to be even angrier when I get a lawyer after I said I would try to try to negotiate with him, since he entered into this convo accusing me of trying to go after his pension. I just want the minimum I am entitled to, including the savings he used to pay his credit card. How do I handle this? Stop engaging completely? Say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," and leave the house? I hate having to leave the house when his attitude is that I shouldn't be here in the first place.
