The default in a divorce in most places is an even split of everything you had until the date of filing. The only point of going to court is if one side (or both) have a reason to get more than 50-50.
Do not get into any conversation about any of this with an irrational person.
Do not discuss your relationship or what you deserve or what he deserves and do not think about that. Anything you say he will think is about you or coming from you.
Do not move back in with your parents. If you can't stand being inside with him, make yourself a she shed?
Go watch AOC's speech in Congress from yesterday and stand up for yourself.
But do make a list of what you are willing to take as a bottom line and how much money you are willing to lose to get that.
Don't lose your dignity. Don't sink to his level. But don't believe lies or engage them. Don't tell him the secrets of your heart or how he hurt you. Tell us or a journal or a friend or a tree or God, if you have faith. (Or even if you don't!)
I would suggest inviting him to mediation. It's much cheaper.
Mediation doesn't work very well with an irrational person. But it's worth a try. It might at least educate him about what is a potential outcome of going thruugh the courts.
You could also file the original papers yourself while you look for a lawyer. The Southern Poverty Law Center has good resources and your local pro se office might too. You just need to make a formal request for all the documents you need. And if he won't give them, you get them by subpeona.
If you do not believe what I am saying, go read my story.
This is business, business only. Your love, your R, your potential for future reconciliation has nothing to do with this. And now is not the time for closure.The man you are talking to is not your H. He is an alien. Aliens can't give you closure. You can have closure or reconciliation when the real H is back. Right now the fake H wants a divorce and to split your stuff. So get the most equitable split you can while maintaining your dignity.
Your state has laws about equitable distribution. Follow those and don't engage in any talk about anything else. If he wants to do better than the laws in your state,he can make you an offer and you can consider it. Or you can make an offer. Threatening you or being verbally or financially abusive is not an offer. And the judge doesn't care if you were a bad wife or had a sexless marriage.They just want to know how you are going to split the stuff. Stay focused.
Everyone told me the same and I didn't believe it. I suffered far more than I had to, and I am still in h$ll of a never ending divorce.
Last edited by Gerda; 07/26/2012:10 AM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
