Well, I was feeling quite peaceful, but guess what happened (not surprising)--I asked for that list of documents yesterday, and today H came out swinging. So much vitriol. Because of the sexless marriage, I don't deserve anything. I never had a FT job, so he deserves the house and his pension. If I go after pension, he will get "mean," he will get a legal separation instead of a D so that he doesn't owe me anything (?), savings account has always been in his name, so I don't get that, etc. I think I failed a lot because I finally just said some things about the R and responded to things he said. We haven't had an R talk since last June, and I figured this would be some opportunity at closure that wouldn't come again.
He softened some in the middle and seemed to admit some responsibility, in that he realized he'd been lying to himself about being happy for so many years, and there is no way I could have known that was the truth of how he was feeling when he was also telling me he was happy and that he loved me. That was shortlived, though, back to blaming me for breaking his heart with SSM, etc. etc. I did say throughout that the law entitles me to certain things, but he didn't care, of course. He knows friends who don't have to give their partners anything.
Oh, and I asked him about savings, which he at times admitted I was entitled to and at times not, and he said that he's been taking out money to pay his credit card (joint expenses, he says), and he just stopped telling me because we weren't communicating anyway, and/or I would get stressed.
And then he ended restating that he won't leave the house and that if I demand too much, he will cut off my funding (I mentioned a temporary support order), and he would call the police to tell them I am driving a stolen car, because the title is in his name.
Guys, I am not taking on the blame for the M, but I am feeling like I have two options. Cave in, give him the house, and move back in with my parents across the country. Or spend any money I would be getting in settlement paying a L to figure out how much he owes me from savings account. There's no way a mediator would determine how much of the $ he's taken out in the last 18 months is actually joint expenses or not. He has had a much more extravagant lifestyle than me, especially the last year, so of course he didn't have enough money to pay joint expenses along with all his fun stuff.
I feel sick. I know I need a lawyer, but I feel like that's going to leave me with no money too. This talk did give me some closure relationship-wise, because he just seems like such an ugly person right now. I kind of do believe he was never happy and pushed down those feelings to his and my detriment. I think maybe he could've faked the love, even to himself. That's how far in denial about his feelings I think he is.
I ended with reiterating my need for documents, and he said he would need more than two weeks. I said give me a firm date, and he finally did--August 15. I was hoping to go see a L with those documents, but should I just try to get another consult as quickly as possible?
