I'm still reading along even though I don't post much.
I'm glad you had a restful holiday - it sounds like something you needed. Sometimes removing ourselves from day to day life is very helpful.
I only have one pertinent thing to comment on - it's the part where your H struggles to show you love. Maybe it's a man/woman thing or maybe it's something else - I am definitely no expert here - but I too have in the past struggled how to show my W love and affection in the way she may have wanted.
During our M, I always felt clumsy and weird and that I was either doing too much or not enough. I grew up learning that my emotions and feelings were not valid and did not matter, so there was a huge developmental part of my life that is just a big empty void. I grew up thinking it was normal to be that way - you don't know what you don't know, right? I have spent the past 2 years coping with and trying to overcome this hurdle - it is proving to be one of my life's biggest challenges/growth opportunities.
It's not that I didn't love W - it's that I didnt know how to show it. I hope that makes sense.
I don't know your H's history with the past - but perhaps that might be a small part of what's going on here too? Just a thought -
Anyway - I'm glad you're feeling more even and rested.
