I think as well we look to "diagnose" the issue and when we say we have a WW we are hoping that's a "diagnosis" and therefore we need to find the "cure". Again going back to people like myself that are quite logical in nature I think to myself am I hanging on because she is "Wayward" and if she gets knocked out of that waywardness (out of the fog) could we have the chance to R?
So the hope for me comes from thinking about it all too logically I suppose. Perhaps when she was in this vulnerable place emotionally and the other man saw that and pounced on that (yes she still made a choice) our fate was sealed. All the brain chemicals fully kicked in and she was now in the throws of this affair (albeit EA before separating and then it becomes PA). So what does my logical brain take from this? perhaps this A and all these changes in her brain chemicals are really clouding her judgment about the M and are clouding her true feelings for me (although she says she doesn't love me any more). So if she is able to get some clarity by lets say the affair ending (again logical brain says relationships like this don't last as they are not set in the real world and both are showing each other their best selves etc etc etc) then what's left?
Then on the other hand she sits next to me one day and says calmly she is sure her feelings will not come back and we should be friends and I look at her and there is nothing that shows me I should disbelieve that BUT then I tell myself the above to convince myself that perhaps what she is saying is being said is because her emotions/feelings for me are being clouded by the addiction she now has to the OM.
Would I struggle as much if she had just said she was done and walked away without the OM in the picture? I don't think I would struggle as much. Where I do struggle and what I think a lot about is what part is having the OM playing in the decisions she is making and is having the OM preventing her from seeing our M is not as bad as she has convinced herself it is and is the high of the OM a factor in making these bad decisions that she is making and preventing any healthy thoughts of R. Yes I know she can still make conscious decisions but how healthy is she thinking anyway.
