You refuse to do it. "Sorry, I have important meetings today and cannot leave early."
Gigi, you've heard that you cannot nice him back, right? In other words, if you gave in to everyone of these requests it will not change your sitch for the better in the slightest. So when he calls or texts and says "I need you to leave work early for an appointment" you simply say "I am unable to leave work until X." And drop it. Do not respond to any more texts. Do not answer his calls. He has the kids less than 50% of the time. He has plenty of time to schedule appointments when he does not have the kids.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Noted for the future! Yes that makes sense, i seem to be coming home early every time he has them on a friday. Some of it is my anxiety, other times his requests.....
So at the beginning of the month H has put together an agenda of the things to discuss for us, you know childcare, finance etc and hasn’t mentioned anything since.
Im assuming this is also very normal behaviour? He has been playful in his behaviour since then a number of times, little things like spraying me with water in the garden or making jokes.
This is normal yo yo behaviour i gather?
Just to note it doesnt affect me at all in terms of hope or anything, im just bemused at the whole thing.
It was our sons birthday and as the kids dont know anything it was just a “normal” day.
It is confusing occasionally, as when he comes to the house to have the kids, he will make me a coffee, today, whilst waiting for the kids to get ready, he made us all lunch.
Ill be honest sometimes i wonder which one of us is struggling to detach
Thank you, i mean sincerely! I can never be a plan B, im either the only plan or not in his life at all.
I dont feel crushed anymore, and whilst i hope that there can be a good outcome for us, i do not want the person i see in front of me now, the person i love isnt actually there Whether temporarily or permanently i dont know at this stage.
As time goes by, you’ll worry less about the truth value of his requests. That’s where you want to be headed. He wants more or less time? If it’s best for you say yes, if it’s a rare request say yes, otherwise say no. His custody time is his to figure out.
I hear you, its confusing because i rarely understand whether these requests are valid.
And as he changes his mind all the time, we go from he wants 50/50 custody, to seeing the boys once a week. And explaining it as in he is trying to give us space.
Because we haven't told the boys and wont be until the end of the summer, we sort of just plod along and one week is different from the next. I have stopped all communication with him over txt, so i dont initiate only respond to his txt about the boys or confirming times etc.
I cant ignore the affair as im sure he is influenced by what is being said and done by AP. But it is his personal life and i dont ever ask any questions about it. He has spoken to me before about AP, but ill be honest, i felt like im being somehow involved in their issues. And i really have nothing to do with his personal life and he needs to resolve all of it himself.
