I think the problem for men like myself is choosing to accept our marriage is over or if we should hold onto hope that the WW gets some sort of wake up call (perhaps relationship with OM won’t work out). I mean she says it’s over so should I accept that or is that just fogged up brain talking? But what if it’s not?
I am sure many men like myself simply look for hope where we can find it from the almighty good but our search terms and biased to make us feel better “do relationships started from affairs last?” Or “will my wife regret leaving for her affair partner?” and finding the answers we want like “affairs to fizzle out” or “trust issues will creep in the new relationship” but that’s an instant search term for some instant relief that doesn’t really highlight the time all of this requires and the true strength needed to hold on. We come to the forums looking for “answers” and we say we’re no contact and maybe we are but we are still holding onto that hope and still googling those search terms and not detaching as we really should because our brain is tricking us to fight and to keep going.
Some of are perhaps logical in nature and we look at limrence (affair fog) and it’s 6 - 18 months, so is that how long I hold out? Is this what’s causing her to act this way rather than to see there is value in the marriage.
There is so much conflicting information both in our research and in our brains that at times we’re hoeing with each day that we make it through that we’ll have a lightbulb moment that switches to just tell us our marriage is over and the hope we held is distinguished, but instead we wake up in the morning and for that brief moment it’s all right until the grief washes over you until it’s time to get up and the struggle between hope and detachment and no contact begins again (hopefully today a bit easier this time)
