Thank you DV - That bit about family time brought me to tears.
I guess the difference between your sitch and mine is that your daddy and mommy times are very well defined. My H has daddy time and also infringes on mommy time. He comes here EVERY DAY when the kids are with me. I cannot say much, the girls are use to him coming round at the same time (ish) every day. It has become their routine since lockdown began. D13 and he (and sometimes D10) take our dog for a walk (they take a football and kick it about in the park), then he mucks about in the garden and then goes for a run with D13. He never comes inside for longer than 5-10 minutes (drop stuff off, walk from the front door to the back, wait for D13). It feels intrusive, but I can't stop him without looking (to the girls) that I am keeping them away from their dad.
On days he has them he brings them back (at the same time) and repeats the same routine (walk, garden, run) irrespective of whether I am home or not. Again, I cannot stop him, our dog stays with me (he lives in a flat) and the girls want to see her and also get to spend a couple of hours in the house (D10 with her toys and D13 baking in the kitchen. I have tried not to let it control me. If I have plans at the time they are due to be at the house, then I continue with my plans, but I know how it must look to the girls - mummy is out again and should be home.
I really don't know what I can do about this. Legally I don't have a leg to stand on. Playing the moral card would not work - plus the children will think I am the bad guy. The only recourse really is to sell the house (that removes the legal blocker) and once I've done this, he can get a bigger place, and have our dog when he has the girls (removing the need to come 'walk her'). Unfortunately, I can't sell the house without his say so - and again, I will look like the 'bad guy' because I will be forcing him to sell the children's home.
Yail is right - any step in any direction will be better than what I have now - but the only steps available to me is one where I look (to the children) like the villain.
So I am left with ... do the right thing for me or don't rock the boat and thereby don't hurt my kids. D10 will understand but I am just I am not sure if my relationship with D13 can take any more hits before it is irrevocably broken.
Harvey - I read your posts and know that there is life after this. Thank you for the kind words.
