Trying to Detach

[may22]

Hi BlueSea,

I hear what you're saying... but... I've been doing this for so long now. He told me about the EA last August, 11 months ago. I had read DB and started implementing some of the strategies (180s, GAL, etc) about 15 months ago, after I got the ILYB. I have changed and he has had plenty of time to see and experience that (and he knows it is true, even as he says he's scared it won't last.)

In the last almost year I've been through all of this, pretend family fun time knowing he might be in contact with her on the DL. We did a staycation actually the weekend before he cut things off with her back in Feb. and it was all I could do to have fun and focus on the children while dealing with my anxiety about whether or not he was actually going to cut it off, etc. Honestly? I'm just really done with that. I don't want to go and keep extending this limbo. He is not going to make this decision on his own without some sort of push. And if this trip is the push he needs... in either direction... so be it. He can rail against me for pushing an ultimatum or being selfish. I don't care. I'm totally at ease with my decision and now it is up to him.

I think it was Alison who said (and I've really held onto it) that you don't get to do the things that happen in a committed M if you aren't, and a family vacation is one of those things. It is continued cake eating, enabling his waffling to the detriment of my own mental health. I'm tired of this. It isn't ok with me. Either he blocks her completely and tells me his intention is to be done for good-- which I think I will be able to trust-- or we don't go. Maybe I'll take them for a week on my own and have a blast just the three of us. We will see.

Thank you, though... I'm rooting for you too... and I am honestly rooting for my own MR as well. I do still love him and I believe him when he says he loves me too. I want to look back at this time as a horrible rough spot that launched us into M2.0. But I can't do that alone. He needs to want it too... and I don't know that he does, at least not enough to make the changes I'm asking. Or, whether he wants to or not, if he is capable of doing it. We will see. Trying to just keep steady.