KC, personally I love your posts that have nothing to do with him! And this is not just you but lots of LBSs. If LBSs focused more on themselves and what they'd should be doing, and less on what is going on with the WAS they'd be so much better off. Head space is precious, and if the WAS is such a big part of the LBS's posts, I can just imagine that the LBS much be obsessing in their own head about the WAS. I did that for a few weeks, but then eventually got to a healthier place where I was focusing on me because I had no control over her and what she was going to do.
I really think that the LBSs that struggle the most are the ones that can't let go of the idea that there is something that can be done, or some big even that can cause the WAS to wake up. I remember early on in my sitch I thought if I had a medical scare (I am a picture of perfect health!) then maybe she would realize she still cares about and loves me. LOL The LBS mind is an illogical mess of grasping at straws.
KC, I think LH is right. You are still in serious denial. I think you expect to wake up one morning and it was all a bad dream. And I am not "roasting" you I am simply telling you what I observe. I do not think you've made much progress on detachment. And usually that is traced to not GAL and not focusing on becoming the best that you can be. So on GAL, is there more you could be doing to stay busy? Can you spend more time keeping your body and mind occupied so you aren't spinning on him and the sitch? What are you reading? What are your plans for this weekend?
But, I spent 5 days being very busy and out of town. Accepting he is done and I have to wade through the atty stuff and he won't be happy until there is a settlement.
For GAL I went WAY outside my comfort zone and took a trip to a dispensary to purchase "legal" recreational cannibus... there you go.
I'm booking trips out of town on weekends I do not have to work. I'm zoom meeting friends since we are still under Covid Rules.
I seriously ignored his last 2 texts. I had NO intention of replying.
If there is a settlement today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year? Do you care? Or are you perfectly fine (forget what he wants) for now to just stay with the way things are? If you care about the settlement, then wade through the atty stuff to get a settlement......FOR YOU! Not for him. If you don't care, then sit back and do nothing. Ignore his queries about "where is the settlement"?
See you used the excuse about getting a better settlement for caring about what he wants last week. But the problem with that is you are still doing it to "please" him. I hate that! Do or don't do it to please you!
When I open your thread one day and I don't see statements like the quote above......I will do cartwheels of joy!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
If there is a settlement today, tomorrow, next week, next month or next year? Do you care? Or are you perfectly fine (forget what he wants) for now to just stay with the way things are? If you care about the settlement, then wade through the atty stuff to get a settlement......FOR YOU! Not for him. If you don't care, then sit back and do nothing. Ignore his queries about "where is the settlement"?
See you used the excuse about getting a better settlement for caring about what he wants last week. But the problem with that is you are still doing it to "please" him. I hate that! Do or don't do it to please you!
When I open your thread one day and I don't see statements like the quote above......I will do cartwheels of joy!
I see your point.
It wasn't that I'm wanting to make him happy... I don't want any of this. But, once he gets the settlement he will leave me alone.
Which is why I want left alone now. At some point there will come a time where we will no longer have anything to do with the other so it might as well start now.
I'm at the state where being in contact with him makes me unhappy and not being in contact with him makes me unhappy... I just need to clear my head and that is best accomplished by NC.
I’m not trying to roast you I am trying to get you to see how crazy some of your posts sound. If you want to communicate by text then do it. Just don’t hide it or be afraid of it. Just accept that every text is gonna be about D. Respond to the ones you want and don’t respond to the ones you don’t. Just keep in mind 100% everything you do should be what’s best for KK. You 100% can’t nice him back because that ship has sailed.
Like I said earlier I want you to get to a place where you go NC because you have nothing to say or want anything to do with him. It will come I promise you.
I think it’s great you’re getting out of your comfort zone and using some recreational drugs. Good for you! Live a little and unleash your inner sheness. There’s a big exciting world out there. Go get it!
"Puppy just destroyed his 3rd kennel... cripes he's powerful"
Now he hasn't shared much about the puppy in some time. Last we spoke about puppy many weeks ago is that he wasn't crating him because he destroyed the 2nd kennel and he was doing well not being kenneled.
So according to Gottman these types of interactions are called "bids". I recognize that I was not always the best at responding to "bids" in the past not understanding them.
For whatever reason he felt the need to reach out and share this event with me because - I would get it? Having raised this puppy and knowing his particular challenges I would sympathize with the situation, find it interesting, etc?
I would even go so far as he sent the text without really thinking about it? Just out of frustration in the moment?
This is where you have to decide if you want to be friends or not.
That's hard. I do miss him but I miss our closeness and sharing everything which now he does with someone else. I don't think I could be happy "just friends" - I'd think I'd be hoping for more which really wouldn't help my healing at all.
I truly don't think he realizes he texted me??? Like it was more out of habit. Sort of like when he would be at the house and randomly offer a motorbike ride --- it never came up again... and again the time he was at the house and randomly said "hey do you need me to make more dog treats for you?" --- it never came up again.
Its like these words just come out of his mouth in the moment and I truly believe in the moment he means them but then there are no actions.
That's what I think the kennel thing was too - random.
I'm accepting what it is ---- its not changing my course of action. Just interesting behavior on his end. I'm at least to a point where I'm not trying to read anything in to it... its meaningless white noise from him.
I hate to break it to you. The interaction was not odd or interesting , or random. It is his M.O. Rope on KK just enough so she second guesses my intentions and she goes easy on the S/D. He’s been doing this all along.
He wasn’t trying to be your friend, or show a shared interested.
He knows just where to get you everyone. And it works pretty much every time
What a load of s***. Do you even hear yourself? You are going so far as to formulate excuses for a spouse who is treating you like dirt.
Have you ever seen someone walk into the supermarket and with their hand tap their back jeans pocket on the outside to make sure their wallet is there? Or someone to feel their pant’s pocket just to confirm the house and car keys are still there where they left them?
THAT’S WHAT HE IS DOING WITH THESE TEXTS. He’s just making sure he’s got you all wrapped up safe in his back pocket.
