I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 19

[KitCat]

Why did I not respond?

Because you were informed by searching the internet that the best way to get your ex back is to go no contact.

I haven't been responding because I know I can't handle it!!! I'm in NC because I can't handle his interactions meaning nothing.

I'm not letting go and I'm hoping staying NC gets me to a place I am better at letting go.

I was asleep and answered the phone not really paying attention to who was calling. I mean I saw the name but in that brain fog... sigh.

You should have never answered the phone! So much for mystery.

Again, I was asleep. I wish I hadn't answered the phone. I was only half conscious. Maybe I'm just making excuses but I would not have answered if I was fully awake. IDK. I kept it as brief as possible.

He was like "well you weren't answering my texts so I had to call" -- No You Did Not. There was not one text asking about credit cards... whatever.

he's pretty impatient.

Yes - he is.....

I left it that I hadn't even looked at his email because I haven't been feeling well - which is true. I haven't been feeling 100% these last 2 days and I literally did nothing yesterday.

I am sorry you are not feeling good but I am calling BS on not looking at the email.

I have NOT even opened the email. I see that he sent it 6am Tuesday but I never bothered clicking on it as I just assumed it had the docs I requested in it but I have never confirmed what is or isn't in it. I haven't been interested in putting my energy there feeling a little poorly.

I even said to myself "self - you know he is going to contact again about this email, perhaps you should open it up and print stuff out to be sure its what I needed" but, I just didn't have the energy to even to that... left it sitting in my inbox and thought I might feel better this weekend.

He quickly said "I hope you feel better". I just replied "thank-you, and I'll talk with you later, bye".

Why would you say "I'll talk to you later"?

I have NO IDEA... LOL. Seriously I was asleep after a day of not feeling well. I think I was trying to get off the phone and it seemed like a polite way of saying I'm done now... good bye. But, you are right my choice of words was weird.

I did not ask him a single question. I only answered questions he asked and briefly. I got off the phone as soon as possible.

You should have never been on the phone.[/quate]

I agree. Stupid blunder half awake.

[quote]

BUT, here we go.... he was calm and polite and here goes my brain... maybe he is reaching for things to call me over because he wants to see where things are at? That he is curious??? Maybe he is waffling.

He's not waffling. He is more sure then ever.

Yup - that's the slap I needed.

Look KK, I know this is difficult for you but you have to drop the rope. He's not coming back anytime soon. You know when NC will work? When you do it because you want NC. I'm NC with my ex not because of manipulation, its because I have nothing to say to someone who doesn't give a $hit about me. I only want people in my life who value me. It really is that simple. You'll get there eventually. We are just trying to spare you more pain and rejection.

I'm working on it - I've made some real progress in that I don't see his texts and when I do I tell myself that no reply is needed... I won't lie. I had a small battle last night of - do I text that I will look at docs later??? And, then I was like NOPE. He knows what I asked for and he knows what he sent. No reply!!! And, I didn't. Before I'm certain I would have replied out of guilt of NOT replying....

I know my own pitfalls... and I needed this reminder that being nice means nothing.