Oh my gosh, a stop by from maybe my four favorite guys in the whole world! All in a row?!!!
Gerda is astonished and can now go about her day with all those things sjohn just said look good on me.
It's funny you say that, sjohn (and I will stop by your thread soon ) -- I have even been looking at old photos of myself and learning a lot. I have never been confident about photos but looking at photos pre-H, I was quite the tough confident young thing. Looking at the line of photos from then until now -- and of course the many years of no photos since I was the one running the house and rearing the kids and H certainly didn't care about having a photo of me! and remembering how ugly I felt as the years went by (I mean in all ways, not just physically, but just sort of unappealing, in the way, repulsive physically and in many other ways) -- it is pretty amazing to realize how my view of the world and of men in particular (and in every context) was really very skewed by what I was experiencing, overlooking, etc.
I can see more clearly now how little I thought of myself. I knew I had various good qualities but it's still impossible for me to imagine a man wanting to be around me. Which is good because I am trying to avoid that. But I catch myself seeing couples in love and FEELING SORRY FOR THE MAN THAT HE HAS TO ACT LIKE HE FINDS HER ATTRACTIVE. I am talking about even when the woman is especially attractive, my city is full of those folks, but for any woman. I don't want to go too deeply into it, but suffice it to say, I am catching myself in a lot of very bizarre and dark ideas that I have taken for granted about relationships for about twenty years.
I realized something and keep repeating it to myself in trying to believe it --
My ability to love a man has nothing to do with his ability to love me.
This is confusing to me. I thought if I loved that much, it meant that I was loving the right person. Now I realize that it just meant I was full of love. Actually, I have not figured it out fully, but that's what's on my mind these days.
DnJ, SBJ, Gordie and SJohn, thank you for stopping by, seriously made my day!
Last edited by Gerda; 07/23/2003:06 PM.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
) -- I have even been looking at old photos of myself and learning a lot. I have never been confident about photos but looking at photos pre-H, I was quite the tough confident young thing. Looking at the line of photos from then until now -- and of course the many years of no photos since I was the one running the house and rearing the kids and H certainly didn't care about having a photo of me! and remembering how ugly I felt as the years went by (I mean in all ways, not just physically, but just sort of unappealing, in the way, repulsive physically and in many other ways) -- it is pretty amazing to realize how my view of the world and of men in particular (and in every context) was really very skewed by what I was experiencing, overlooking, etc.