I'm out of the fog. I've been looking back on things and see just how one sided the relationship was with W and I. There are so many red flags I overlooked, missed, ignored or thought would change. I'm still glad I married as I wouldn't have these wonderful kids. Now though as I prep for the possible worst here, I no longer hang my head in shame or longing. Disappointment, yes, shame no. Finding two places to live, and daycare, and affording it all is going to be hard. The drain of resources and energy in the process will be hard to feeling impossible depending how it goes. I expect high conflict and prepped my lawyer for such if we D.
I'm going to take a short break here and I concentrate on myself and what I need to do to keep on my improvements, and to give my kids a better outcome. I plan on returning soon, avoiding my sitch for the most part as recommended by lawyer.
I've gone back on some improvements as a wave of depression and reality rolled over me. I'll get back where I was then further along soon enough. One of many hurdles. My son is talking now. His sister and I are thrilled as our dynamic is much different as hes seemingly learning a new word every few days. My L said to keep my existing IC in case needed if we go the D route and his feedback is needed. I am now aligned. I now feel like I'm doing whats right. I wasnt before. I thank all of you that helped and supported me the last several months here. Good luck on your sitches and improvements.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
