I certainly did pursue and did the usual pleading and begging at first and I did the old pick me dance against the OM. After I reasonably calmed down I went about "fixing" this and "fixing" that and trying to sort all of the things she told me that where making her unhappy. Things like sorting finances, sorting work hours, getting back in shape, I even got rid of one of our dogs (had bad behavioural issues) that sort of stuff (trying to be practical). Of course I failed to realise it seems the practical side of things made no difference because the dopamine hit she was getting from the OM all the better which is probably why she didn't want to leave her job.
That said the practical things I did sort has given me a good foundation to work from should things not work out with the W.
I've later found out that she didn't tell anyone we where back together (work colleagues) and wasn't wearing her ring or allowing me to driver to work (she doesn't drive) as she was trying to spare the OM feelings and he told her that he couldn't tell his daughter they had broken up because it brought a lump to his throat (yuk!).
Since she last left a few weeks ago the OM was back on the scene a day later and I found out about it a day later. It was at that point I decided to pull back to protect own sanity. So we have had very little contact as in three or four texts in the last few weeks which has been related to finance.
I've been reading a lot of things on here from Sandi2 and I have read a few books (waiting on DB arriving) and of course I have done a lot of reading on affairs and the "fog" and limerance and the effects it can have on people and their behaviour. Lot of material is great BUT it generally focuses on those that has been caught in affairs and immediately regret it when caught and want to work on the marriage. The WW seems a whole different beast altogether.
Sad fact is my wife was texting the OM from Jan "As Friends" and they became physical during our first separation but the W doesn't see this as an affair ("We where on a break!").
Yes I am still emotional but I manage that emotion myself and she isn't involved in that, I have become MUCH calmer about reaching out to her or messaging her etc. Afterall she said its over anyway so while I remain hopeful I have to respect what she is saying and so therefore I have no need to contact her about "us" anyway, not that I would because I need to regather my own thoughts and get back into a better place that when I do speak to her again (if that even happens) I can do it without wanting to immediately ask her "can we talk".
