So let me say this about dropping this bomb on someone else, this is simply my experience you can take it as you'd like.
I refused to go out of my way to speak with OW's bf. Very early on when some of my support system wanted me to blow it all up and let the chips fall where they may I sat down and gave it a lot of thought and decided to keep it to myself. I very easily could've done it any time I wanted. I could do it now if I really wanted to. I know him. I know OW. I know people they know. I know OW's whole extended family. I know where both of them work. And I know people with whom they work with. I know where they live. I had the power at any moment to ruin OWs life and to get H punched in the face or beaten within inches of his life depending on when and how I caught OW's bf. But I passed. I in fact didn't even let H know that I had the ability to reach out to OW's bf any time I wanted. I did however text OW when it was still an EA and asked her how her bf feels about all the time she's spending with my husband and the fact that she texts and calls him all day, every day, at all hours. She absolutely lost it and said she'd back off. She did for like 2 weeks. But by that time I decided I wasn't going to interfere with the relationship any more than I already had. That I would let it happen as far as the two of them were willing to take it because I knew from the get go, she'd never start over with my H. I knew H was just an outlet for her. Which before my DB-ing days I screamed at him from the parking lot of the mall he and her were at embarrassing my children and me right before Xmas. I say this so you know I'm not all zen and pan flute music over here. In this process I have definitely had my moments. I am not beyond petty, or rage, or poor emotionally influenced choices.
I don't know OW in your situation but I can say based on my time as a WW if there's a family at home. Even if it's just a man she's invested a lot of time and energy into she isn't going any where fast, if at all. You're H is an outlet. She may even say she's in love with him, but a WW brain just doesn't work the same as a WH. They get caught up but that old life is still so much more visible. That old life has so much more pull. On the flip side of that they are better at hiding these things and cake eating for as long as possible because they are usually filling in emotional needs more than physical ones.
I just strongly suggest you tread lightly here. Would you really want to be responsible for someone else feeling the way you feel right now? No you aren't the one who caused the betrayal but you're the one pulling away the veil. Do you want to be the catalyst? The other side of that is do you want H knowing how low you are willing to swing? I'm all for petty. Trust me. But if there's ever going to be hope for an R you can't put more obstacles in your way. And if there's any hope for the least painful not drawn out D possible now is not the time for him to see the places you could go given the opportunity. Just think on it a bit.
