Thank you Alison and May - nice to have virtual friends on this thread for advice
Alison - Totally agree with you! It is his work- and all I do is measure his actions (to myself and in journaling). I do let him know that I am looking for actions. And he is on-point trying to show actions right now. But also, he is a guy, and needs some help in understanding how to move forward, so I do suggest things to him - and show appreciation for what he does do that moves us forward. I think we ladies could run circles around our men from an Emotional Intelligence stand point and we don't get that. I read some threads that really demonize the H, sometimes I don't think H's are even thinking at those levels. So, I get that he needs to do work - but I do as well - this is not a one person show - we both have to work at this.
May- I am all about GAL, went out last night for dinner with my son, just because. Every Sunday, I am out - dinner at a friends house or last Sunday a convertible drive with friends to a patio Mex bar for drinks and apps. I don't even considering it GAL'ing anymore, its just a way of being. I want to do something, I want to get out - I just do it or organize it with friends. I went for a walk/hike yesterday and was going, and asked H if he wanted to go (while I was headed out the door) he did, so we went.
Yesterday H is making efforts, he is overshooting for sure - and thats okay. It will level out. He greets me in the morning and hugs (if I approach) with good nights. During the day, asking me about myself, how is my day, how am I doing - recognizing me when I come in the room. He talked to me last night about his remorse and the stupidity of all what went on from his part - how talking to me early on would have been the best and right choice - touching on several points (gambling, affair, conflict avoidance), also about what he is reading and how its helping him to understand better how hurt I really am from all this and what he needs to do to help me to get thru it all. It was a good talk. For me, mostly listening.
I mean this is all great - but again - I am cautious - I have a bit of PTSD around getting close to him, because he could pull out a bat and destroy me again (figuratively) at any time. He is on high boil, putting his engineering brain around this 'project' and is in guy fix it mode, thats fine, but I am not going to take this too seriously until a few more weeks in. I get that this is a marathon.
M:50 H:49 D:16 S:13 M:23 T:25 BD: Feb 25th 2020 EA/PA: Dec 2019 - June 11, 2020 Behind every broken woman is a broken man...