The not having the conversation is the part that really bugs me about your H. I understand the process is painful - no matter what the outcome - and everyone handles it differently. We don't know one another's pain, even if we were married to them. So much avoidant behavior on these boards, which is incredibly difficult to deal with and process. You know from my sitch that I understand that bit at least: being on the other end of an avoidant person, and also being quite avoidant myself.
It's this weird deferral of pain, this not wanting to see what happens when you take a firm step in any direction. Like, parts of me can understand it because of who I used to be. But now that I've realized how much better I feel if I take confident steps forward - in ANY direction - that I think that dealing with the outcome if it is an authentic outcome is 1/100th of the pain of dodging and weaving and being inauthentic.
The sentence about the house really got me. That he refuses to let you live. And that's what he's doing - he's keeping you hostage. If you move forward with pulling the legal trigger I think good things are in your future. If you decide not to or choose to wait you will also have my support as well of course.
Don't regret the time you took to stand for the M, it has brought you many, many lessons that you can be grateful for.
