Oct 17 - Mar 18 : BD followed by 6 months of (him) I am moving out, I am not moving out, I love you but it's hopeless, anger, hate, and spite. Moments of tenderness. Slow detachment from family life. (Me) Begging, pleading, walking on eggshells in case he blows, trying to GAL but finding that that blows back on me (resentment).
Mar 18 - Dec 18 : new normal becomes an excellent father. Takes the kids frequently, present, attentive. He starts to detach from me fully - though he is consciously trying to be kinder. Still very much a presence in the house. Occasionally we sleep together (initiated by me). Sept 18, I run into him on a night out with the girls. He is on a date. I go mental at him. Two days later we have an R talk (first since he moved out). We never talk her again. Two days later a discussion about the children escalates (I am passive aggressive and hurt) and he mentions separation agreement, then he asks me if I want to join him and the children for lunch. I say no. We don' mention separation / divorce until Dec '20 (now). Christ '19. I tell him I still love him. He walks away. I start seeing someone at work in Dec - it lasts about a month.
Jan 19 - Dec 19 : limbo We do not talk about us EVER. We co-parent well. Occasional passive aggressiveness from him whenever I say no to a request or mention something that I am doing (outside the 'family'). His family slowly detach - embarrassment for me, loyalty for him. I discover he is OLD in July. Hurt, but no resentment on my part. Surprised but not surprised. I push it to back of mind and carry on. We are friendlier but not friends.
Jan 20 - present : limbo ends I find out he was having a 'relationship' with a teachers aid at D10's school sometime around christmas 19. She says it was a full on relationship (he lives across the road from the school and she was popping round at lunch for sex) and he said it was drunken flirting on nights out. I assume there was sex (because he is a man), but no relationship (because she's a bunny boiler). I decide it doesn't matter but it does lead to discussions about formalising the separation. We both (separately) have our first mediation session. Covid put an end to the sessions and we have at times discussed restarting them. He wants 50/50 of the children, and I've stated I won't agree until he can demonstrate 3 continuous months (where his airline is fully running) where he has the children for 50%.
I suspected he was seeing someone during lockdown (I know when he is lying to me) and in early June he told "he is seeing someone and wants to tell the children". I say "OK". He told them the same day and more recently, he has introduced her to them. Now that they have met her, I suspect that she will be a fixture in their life.
D13 begins acting out, at first, at both of us, but eventually, her moods focus is on me. D13 and I have an argument in March and she turns to her dad and my MIL. I am the worst person in the world - it is like I am living with her dad again during BD and MO. I know how to handle it this time. Consistency, repeated attempts at engagement, even when ignored and just not letting her comments, her looks and her attitude change my course.
