Trying to Detach

[may22]

Thank you, Sage! I heart you.

On the WhatsApp... I KNOW! Only I wish I knew that earlier as I totally snooped on his phone multiple times back in the fall (bad I know but oh well) but in my head, WhatsApp was *only* for communicating with people outside of the US so I didn't even look at it on his phone. I researched communication apps to see if I could find some sneaky app on his phone and no luck. Oh well. He told me the other day that WhatsApp is encrypted and messages only exist on the two devices that are used for the communication, and when you delete a message it is gone forever. Maybe part of the reason WASs like it. Anyway. I know my H was kind of embarrassed once he told me they primarily communicated via WhatsApp rather than phone/texting like non-cheating people. It made it feel a little dirtier, I think. Good.

I actually proposed to him the other day that I not go on the first week of the trip. (Assuming that he does what I'm asking.) That he take the girls and I work and we have a week on our own and then I'll meet up with them, which I actually think would be good for both of us. If we did that, though, I'd want to change the itinerary as the hotel I really want to stay at the most is at the beginning. I told him he'd probably be mourning to a certain extent and maybe that would be good to have a little space.

He said, he didn't want that. That if we were trying to work on our R he wanted to be together. That he'd been mourning for (one or two weeks? IDK... time is not moving as it should.... but whenever they stopped communicating) and he didn't think more time would be helpful for that. He said that every time we've been on a family vacation it has been a lot of fun and he's really enjoyed it, but always felt a little guilty knowing that AP was so angry/upset about it. (He said she HATED when we went on family vacations). And that one of the things that was really positive about the spring was that he didn't feel guilty any more for having fun at home with me, and so that is something he is really looking forward to on this trip. So, we will see. But I think you're right that I need to have some plans in place for when he does inevitably go downhill.

I am studiously avoiding bringing up the situation. I don't think he did it today or he would have told me. I really want to ask but I haven't. We're sitting across from each other now, he asked if I wanted to share a nice beer, we have been chatting and working on and off. We were talking about chatting apps, the value of Slack etc., and I asked him who else he talked with on WhatsApp. It is really not anyone he couldn't move to text or email. I said nothing about that but said I think it is possible, by the way, to block someone who has already blocked you-- you just need to type in their phone number... and he said OK and then got all quiet. So I guess I didn't not talk about it... oh well. I'm a slow learner!