Your latest post speaks spades of your H’s current state (a 22 year old living with her parents??). Poster LH is a hard nut, but has fantastic advice, which I wish I had taken sooner in my situation. And in your situation, I would take LH’s every word as gold. Drop the rope, girl. Let your H go and explore his ‘amazing’ affair. The sooner you do, the quicker it will fizzle. Let him deal with the consequences of ‘coming out’ to his work team, the loss of his family as he knows it, the loss of YOU as plan B. Although you are heartbroken and sad right now, and you won’t believe me when I say it, but YOU have the power right now. Protect those children with your loving bubble of indifference. H is making a bad choice, but you need to make a good life for yourself and your children. A life that only a fool of an H would leave. And whether or not he decides to return to that good life you created (he will at some point, though you may or may have not moved on), you and your children are left with the good life.
And regarding the children, I have so much empathy with where you are at with the 50/50 split. I was the primary caretaker of my kids prior to COVID (H traveled up to 200+ days a year) and I thought my world would end without my kids under my wing 24/7. But having read story after story on this thread, and realizing the reality of the situation, I have come to some truths: the kids are best off with as much time with both parents; you will find that time on your own is empowering and actually makes you a more present and better mother when they are with you; and sadly, despite the best of intentions, your H may find (due to work, his affair or otherwise) that 50/50 isn’t even practical and you will end up with more kid time anyway. So don’t count the chickens before they hatch, and in keeping with my advice above, the sooner your H has to deal with the consequences of his actions, the better off you (and your kiddos) will be.
Hang in there. You’re in the right company on this forum. We’ve got you.
