[may22]

Hi Scout,

Congratulations on getting to a place where you can finally see an end in sight and finishing out the D-- that must feel really good. Yay! And the meeting with the financial advisor-- from where I sit, you feel so positive and strong and forward-looking. It must feel amazing to be able to take control of those parts of your life where your kid's dad ( ) was so controlling and nasty. I have to admit I'm pushing on building this fence I want at my house right now because I know it will cost more than it will increase the value of the house, and I just want it for me no matter what happens.

I love that this new man makes you feel safe. That is so important. And fun that your kids are the same age. I'm excited to hear how it goes when you meet in person!

I wonder a little bit if the mechanics of online dating (not that you met him that way, not sure, but was just thinking about it) brings out a little of the entitlement in many participants, because you can so easily swipe or whatever and make judgments about someone and if they're right for you based on a photo and whatever they choose to share in that introductory page. It was just occurring to me because I was hanging out with a friend who is Ded and has been online dating, and she was showing me how it all works. It is kind of addictive and fun and we were swiping right and left and having a grand old time doing it. And then all of a sudden I felt kind of gross like here we were judging these poor men on their looks and what they said on this page, or how funny and interesting they were on texts. Just when you said the part about men feeling like it was a dealbreaker for them that you liked XYZ I realized I was looking at it the same way from my friend's perspective, oh this guy is no good because he (whatever)... and it felt more like shopping than like actually connecting with another human being with thoughts and feelings and a whole inner emotional life. All that to say... if you've found one who is so considerate that his first thoughts are of what is right for you, not for him.. that is pretty cool.