We do have one major problem, and that is that the kids dont know anything and he keeps telling them that he just has to work a lot at the moment and i cant seem to pin him down to have a conversation around how and whT we will tell the kids. And thats where my problem with him dragging the kids to meet her comes in, kids will just be confused!
I wouldn't expose the affair to them and would discourage taking sides. They're 4 and 6, after all.
I know when my mother left me but took my brother and sister, I internalized it then (and now) as she didn't take me because she didn't love me as much as them. There eventually was a new woman who to me was "Daddy's friend". Dinner was always better when she visited! Her visits didn't cause me any stress, but I quickly learned talking about her to my mother stressed my mother.
Simple, low-key, and being open to questions works for me as a parent explaining major life changes. "You may have noticed Daddy has a new house. Mommy and Daddy aren't getting along. We both ove you and will always be Mommy and Daddy. Ask anytime if you have questions." I've regretted oversharing, e.g., "She and I aren't girl/boyfriend anymore" once yielded an uncomfortable "Umm.." from my kids. Sometimes their questions are radically different from anything that I could have imagined before the conversation. Often their questions don't come out immediately but an hour or a day later or when a change becomes real.
