I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your H betrayed you with an EA, may have re-written history, and began a physical relationship immediately after informing you that you two were over.
It sounds like a big part of your journey will be learning to let go of what you don't control.
Originally Posted by Gigi
When i came back from work, the girl was sitting in his car for a good 30 minutes whilst waiting for him. I have specifically said that this is my boundary and he needs to plan his personal life on the days when he isnt with kids, but he is just intent on trying to get her involved and show her he is a great dad and that she is part of his life.!
That's not a boundary. A boundary seeks to control you. A boundary is, "I don't want to be cursed at, so if he does that, I will hang up or walk away". A boundary is, "Seeing her hurts me, so if I see her, I will walk away. There's a whole thread on boundaries on here worth checking out.
What you're actually doing is trying to tell him what to do, trying to control him. That's not likely to make him look backwards, and you can't control him unless he allows you to.
Originally Posted by Gigi
He wants to talk about living arrangements going forward, money and wants childcare 50/50. Which im not happy to agree with him.
Be happy, angry, or neutral--he will still generally get 50/50. He's their parent, too, and you two have equal or nearly equal parental rights in most jurisdictions.
Originally Posted by Gigi
late when he is due to have them
Well, that's not acceptable. Consider this when drafting a custody agreement. Mine defines "late" as 30min late. The late party can be declined their whole custody window. I know others who simply document it until the court issues a warning or takes away some percentage of custody.
Originally Posted by Gigi
He is cold when here in person at our marital home, our communication is better over txt, i try not to initiate it.. there is still a lot of us in each others lives because of the kids.. There are many lies where he will tell me things about her and how great she is and how his family offered to meet her
Why are you having these discussions? None of that sounds like essential interactions you'd have due to mutual kids, e.g. at hand-off "Johnny's got a temperature today, I gave him 200mg Ibuprofen at 6am."
Originally Posted by Gigi
Just to note this relationship of his is inappropriate at work and noone knows. Its all a big secret and he no longer really speaks to his family, well he doesnt tell them anything about her.
Exposure is a contentious topic. He says he was clear with you it was over before he got physical with anyone. Has he been telling others you and he are done, or that's a secret?
