Husband said we are done in March. From end of feb he was getting close to a colleague at work and i found messages on his computer between them and he basically ended our marriage the next day. Saying that it has nothing to do with her, and its about the fact he wasnt happy and i ruined our marriage by ignoring him. So that was 4 months ago! And he now wants to talk divorce, well he talks a lot, but his words never materialise into actions.
He was messing with my head for the first two months as we continued to live together, but then i asked him to leave, when it all came out that him and this girl werent just friends, but they were sleeping together in fact. We have two kids, who simply think that dad works a lot at the moment. He is cold when here in person at our marital home, our communication is better over txt, i try not to initiate it.
I feel much less emotional about the whole thing, we dont argue, dont talk about our marriage, but there is still a lot of us in each others lives because of the kids.
We still have joint accounts, kids know nothing and we havent made any decisions about the house.
He wants to talk about living arrangements going forward, money and wants childcare 50/50. Which im not happy to agree with him. He works full time and the kids are 4 and 6,they need a lot of attention still and will obviously need some emotional support when we tell them.
He wants to start divorce proceedings, i have explained to him that i dont believe in divorce, but if its something that he feels he needs to do then he has to do it.
I always validate his feelings, but i know that i will struggle with the conversation around children.
He has left us and tbh has barely been here for the boys in the last 4 months and all he brings is a lot of negativity and just bad energy. He is inconsistent, late when he is due to have them when i need to go to work and intent on bringing the young girl he is seeing into their lives.
Any tips on how to approach this.
I have read mort fertels book and its great for marriages that are in trouble, but we are sort of more that just a bit of trouble.
We are on the brink of divorce and currently separated with him seeing someone else.
Just to note this relationship of his is inappropriate at work and noone knows. Its all a big secret and he no longer really speaks to his family, well he doesnt tell them anything about her.
There are many lies where he will tell me things about her and how great she is and how his family offered to meet her-that is not true! Is this normal for him to make the relationship more significant than it actually is?! Is he saying this to hurt me? He also doesnt consider that he cheated on me because technically they havent had sex until after he said we are done! So he laughed in my face when i said you cheated on me!
He says we will never be together and that i need to stop having hope.
He is very up and down in terms of his emotional state, one week crying and begging to help him with something (manipulation) next week all cocky and saying lets get a divorce, we need to move forward.
Yesterday he went as far as lying to me about what he is doing with the kids, taking them to the beach with her and then lying some more! When i came back from work, the girl was sitting in his car for a good 30 minutes whilst waiting for him. I have specifically said that this is my boundary and he needs to plan his personal life on the days when he isnt with kids, but he is just intent on trying to get her involved and show her he is a great dad and that she is part of his life. I cant imagine the amount of bullshit he has told her!
We haven't lived together for 2 months now and what feels like simply coasting and nothing is actually happening.
He has lost weight, lots of new clothes etc. I dont know if this is all part of MLC?!
Last edited by job; 07/21/2005:26 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
