I don't want a divorce II NEW THREAD Pt 19

[SteveLW]

I called. Not the best but H does not like like texts or emails.

Not sure how I missed this line before. But if you aren't in the mood for a major 2x4....get ready.

What the heck?! "H does not like texts or emails". SO WHAT?? Why do you let him dictate to you how you communicate to him.

#1, if this is a way to get him to like you with the goal of eventual R......I am going to repeat something you've been told 3 dozen times. YOU CANNOT NICE HIM BACK. Call him because he likes it. Email (preferably) or text (better than calling) whether he likes it or not. None of it will matter. So you choose your preferred mode of communication. And if that is phone call, then just admit that is how you would prefer contact him and we can advise you why that is not a good idea. (And there are many!) More than likely he doesn't want a written history of what he says to you about this because he wants to claim later he didn't say that, etc. These are legal discussions, documentation of them is in your best interest.) In short, SCREW what he would prefer.

#2, you cannot nice him into a better financial settlement. So if this is your end game in "not rocking the boat" then you are barking up the wrong tree again. In the end, he is going to try to get the best financial settlement for himself no matter what you do or don't do. You could send him fresh baked chocolate chip cookies every day, he is still going to try to get the best financial settlement he can get. No matter what he is saying. You keep bringing up your son's car. While he has been the young man's step-father for many years, it would be unrealistic to think he will continue to agree to paying for the car. So while that might sound good to you (and I think deepdown you are more excited about keeping that connection with him rather than the money involved) in the end he is probably going to either want the car himself, or want you to take it over including the payments.

KC, as I said a few posts back, no one ever claimed this stuff was easy. I know you'd give everything just short of your life to not being going through this. We get it. But you continue to go on reflex and instinct. Not on DBing principles. I so wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away magically for you. But I cannot. But it sorrows me to see statements like the one above. Where you are still allowing him to dictate the terms of all of this to you. And you go along with it because you think it will make him like you again.