You're right. This plan may not be the best for the children. It does allow me to afford to keep the house, which we both think is important for them to have a home rather than shuttle back and forth. I hadn't thought about them being tired and cranky and me being homework mom and him being fun dad. Honestly? This all just $UCKS.
I'm just not ready to take this step on my own. I'll figure it out if I need to, and like Alison says, it will change and the kids have to be at the center and it isn't something I can do on the back of the envelope right now. Maybe we'll get them into therapy and get assistance in figuring out what is best.
The thing is... I simply don't want this. Not for them, not for me. And the other truth is, I don't think my H does either. He talks a big game when it comes to twu wuv (I loved that BTW) and he deserves happiness and all the rest. But when his fantasy is starting to fade, between me not buying into his dream D and AP wanting more children... I really don't think he wants to go and experience all the $hitty reality of what that entails. He doesn't want to sleep in a different house from the children either. He kisses them before he goes to sleep every single night. One night a couple of weeks ago he came to bed crying after he did it at the thought that he might not get to do that every night. I really don't think he wants this any more than I do.
I'm just sticking to the course right now. He'll do whatever he does and we'll go forward from there. I think I'm done worrying about it for right now. It takes too much energy. He'll do whatever he does and I'll deal with it. He says we're going on this trip. He had an extra IC appointment this morning, came upstairs afterwards and hugged me and said this is all hard. Just gotta do the next right thing (we just watched Frozen 2 again). So. We'll see. I think I've reached the IDGAF stage.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
