May, I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but there was zero mention of the kids’ needs in that explanation. Just a) H getting what he wants, b) May getting what she wants, c) May punishing H for leaving. In that order.
I think this is still the fantasy D; not just for your H, but for you as well. You’re enabling his entitlement, selfishness, and refusal to take responsibility with this arrangement, and allowing this because it suits you and you’re afraid of the alternatives. But this doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best arrangement for the kids. His parenting time consists of daily hikes and outings, a fun sleepover once a week, and a weekend day for adventures? What about homework, meals, chores, bedtime, and the morning sh!tshow? He gets out of all that quite nicely. Your kids will very quickly understand that H is the fun parent and that Mum’s house means rules and drudgery, and they might resent you and disrespect him.
If they are out gallivanting with H on his time, they will likely just want to crash when they’re with you. They’ll be grumpy and tired and you won’t get the quality time that you deserve. But more importantly, the kids will get jack of being treated like shared toys between the two of you. You both want to play with them, but when would they get any downtime to just chill out at home, whichever home that might be? How will they feel about three hours here, three hours there once they get into high school and want to hang out with their friends or do extracurricular activities? How will they feel being shuttled between homes every day of the week? How would you feel if it were you?
Just gently pointing out that not allowing them at H’s place when OW is there could make them feel unsafe around this person who will be a large part of their lives.
I totally get wanting to maintain stability for the kids. I just don’t think this is where your H is coming from with this plan, and I think you’re going with it because you’re afraid to lose control. Feel free to tell me I’m wrong though - this is just my opinion. This is all hypothetical and and it’s meant with love
PS. As someone whose OW appears to be deeply involved in my kid’s life, let me tell you that you won’t want to rip heads off chickens forever. It’ll hurt the first time it happens. It will get easier. Then one day you’ll realise you’ve reached acceptance and you truly don’t care any more. And let me tell you, it’s a wonderful place to be.
